btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
