the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
