She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize