What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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