last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
