too bad you live with your parents still
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
