I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
