you guys were way drunker than both of me
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
