We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Boobs are out for the taking
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
