one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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