Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
