I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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