Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
