It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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