I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
