guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just pee around me
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
