Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
