U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
