so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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