Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
