We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
