I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
