ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
