and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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