I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
