my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Two words: blizzard sex
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
