Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
