Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Randomize
