hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
