so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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