how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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