please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If I die, sorry about rent.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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