I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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