my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize