i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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