What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
