You work out of a Hotel?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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