The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
