His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
