I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
