im six kinds of drunk right now
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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