And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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