So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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