Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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