WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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