dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
