Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
