Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
we're so committed to being not committed
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
