i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
