Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
where does the pee come out of this thing
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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