My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
