shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Rumble strips road head = magical
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize