There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
