sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
