My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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