I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
