I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
