So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
