If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
