he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
