we're blogging at a bar
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
