good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
