I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You did what with his pubic hair?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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