O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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