oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
