Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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