There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Of course I have a pirate flag
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
