haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i think my cat just said my name.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
