So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
