I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
